{"id":21,"date":"2013-02-11T05:38:31","date_gmt":"2013-02-11T10:38:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bitterblacktea.com\/blog\/?p=21"},"modified":"2013-02-11T05:38:31","modified_gmt":"2013-02-11T10:38:31","slug":"happy-fooking-2013","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bitterblacktea.com\/blog\/?p=21","title":{"rendered":"Happy Fooking 2013"},"content":{"rendered":"

My anti-resolutions for the new year:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. skip doctor appointments<\/li>\n
  2. avoid all health food stores<\/li>\n
  3. pick up smoking again<\/li>\n
  4. eat, drink and be merry without any regard to my waistline<\/li>\n
  5. kill somebody at least once a month<\/li>\n
  6. gossip more<\/li>\n
  7. stab someone<\/li>\n
  8. beat up my neighbor<\/li>\n
  9. go on more shopping sprees and spend more money than I have<\/li>\n
  10. make someone cry<\/li>\n
  11. procrastinate more often<\/li>\n
  12. care less about my fellow humans<\/li>\n
  13. hide an old man’s cane<\/li>\n
  14. be more greedy<\/li>\n
  15. eat five large meals a day followed by 2 large desserts<\/li>\n
  16. get a new wardrobe to fit my expanding fat ass<\/li>\n
  17. torture dumb animals<\/li>\n
  18. play hooky at least once a week<\/li>\n
  19. eliminate all fruits and vegetables from my life<\/li>\n
  20. beat up more people<\/li>\n
  21. become a self-centered inconsiderate jerk<\/li>\n
  22. less work and more play<\/li>\n
  23. disrespect my elders<\/li>\n
  24. knock a slowpoke down the stairs<\/li>\n
  25. eat more candies<\/li>\n
  26. drink more booze<\/li>\n
  27. troll a random internet community<\/li>\n
  28. leave my mind to decay<\/li>\n
  29. stop offering my bus seat to the elderly.<\/li>\n
  30. grope a female on a crowded bus or train<\/li>\n
  31. prank call somebody<\/li>\n
  32. do a Colin Ferguson<\/a><\/li>\n
  33. goof off at work<\/li>\n
  34. goof off at school<\/li>\n
  35. steal babies from the hospital maternity ward and hawk them in the black market<\/li>\n
  36. crack more offensive jokes<\/li>\n
  37. stop giving a damn about the plight of human suffering<\/li>\n
  38. audition for American Idol<\/li>\n
  39. pretend I’m in a karaoke bar and sing as loud and off-key as I can in a library<\/li>\n
  40. start a bar brawl<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

     <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    My anti-resolutions for the new year: skip doctor appointments avoid all health food stores pick up smoking again eat, drink and be merry without any regard to my waistline kill somebody at least once a month gossip more stab someone beat up my neighbor go on more shopping sprees and spend more money than I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[9],"class_list":["post-21","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-satire"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bitterblacktea.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bitterblacktea.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bitterblacktea.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bitterblacktea.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bitterblacktea.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=21"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.bitterblacktea.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22,"href":"https:\/\/www.bitterblacktea.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21\/revisions\/22"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bitterblacktea.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=21"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bitterblacktea.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=21"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bitterblacktea.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=21"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}